Releasing An eBook

The other day I dipped my toes into the self-publishing world.

It was nice and wasn't in the least bit demeaning.

I released my short story 'His Dirty Little Portal' as on Amazon. 

In the first few hours I was a little scared, but as the download numbers rose and I got my first good review, I relaxed. 

With the love and support of my friends and family we managed to push the book to number 6 in the Free Short Stories category of the Kindle Charts. 

I wasn't expecting much, so I'd call that a success. 

The thing I'm most happy about though, is how many of my friends got the story. How many of them messaged me after reading it with sincere questions regarding the 'screaming' web designer.

--

I was inspired by the guys at Dead Ink. 

They're a digital only publisher who have a strong sense of aesthetic value -- They create beautiful looking eBooks. 

They seem to know what they're doing. 

Here's to the next one.

Rules Of The Gym - Trapped Beneath A Barbell

The other day I was reading through some muscle magazine's top ten gym tips. Tip number two was to have a gym partner.

I now know why.

I was trying a new routine. One that involved a standard bench press with a Smith Machine. I placed my bench next to one of the biggest dudes I've ever seen in my life. He didn't notice me. He was too busy benching plates the size of my being.

I placed my barbell onto the bench, climbed beneath it, and got to work.

First set of ten was difficult, but I did it.

The second set seemed almost impossible, but I managed it.

But in the third set, around the halfway point, I could feel my strength rapidly leaving me. My arms seemed to be getting weaker by the second. It felt like somebody had sat down on the barbell. I did my best to push up against it, but slowly and surely, the barbell worked its way down onto my chest.

So there I was, stuck.

The guy next to me was busy doing his thing - pressing his chest and making it look a little too easy. 

I did the only thing I could. I wriggled out, a centimetre at a time, working my way out from underneath it. It took a good couple of minutes to get my chest through the bar, and then I had to turn my head to the side to fit my chin out from beneath it.

I made it out and stood up. I checked around to see if anybody had noticed my struggle. If they had then they didn't make it obvious.

And the guy next to me? It could have been the sweat dripping down into his eyes, but I could've sworn he winked at me, as if to say 'don't worry kid, we've all been there.'

The Year Of The Audiobook

'Reading is to be done with the eyes.'

That's what I always used to say.

I like getting new books, finishing them and adding them to my shelf -- to my library. I get a visual representation of how well-read I am. The more I read, the bigger my library. Building it up is one of my favourite things to do. 'Look at my massive collection,' I tell people.

However this year, I got a free trial from Audible, and I downloaded Arnold Schwarzenegger's book, Total Recall. All in all, the audiobook is roughly 23 hours long. Nearly a whole day's worth of Arnie. I finished it in a week. I listened on my daily walks, whilst I showered, and whilst I cooked. It was brilliant. It was like being sat in a room with the Governator himself.

As well as being one of the most inspirational books I've ever read (heard), it woke me up to the possibilities of the audiobook. Reading isn't just for the eyes, it's for the ears too, and who knows what else in the future. I'm looking forward to books you can taste.

Five Weird Stories For Your Delectation.

I'm a big fan of the stranger stories. The surreal, absurd, off-kilter, or the effed up. I couldn't tell you why, other then I think there's a lovely resonance in the surreal. There's something that permeates through the abstractions into your own life.

Here's five that I find myself going back to again and again:

The Wind Up Bird Chronicles by Haruki Murakami. 

Bit of a legend in Japan. Think JK Rowling, but not really in any way at all. When he's not running marathons, he likes to knock out what can only be described as hypnotic dreamy fiction which has its own way of burrowing its way deep into your mind.

This particular work is the first of his I read. It involves cooking spaghetti, a missing cat, and a dreamworld which you'll find yourselve's falling deeper and deeper into.

Go read it.  

Brazzaville Teen-Ager by Michael Cera.

A sort of comedy ... sort of. After watching this you can't help but look forward to a feature length from him. If he's not planning to do any features, then I'd settle for more shorts like this one.

Imagine if Woody Allen and David Lynch had sex.

Imagining it?  

 ...good.

Okay imagine if, with cigarettes in their mouths, in their post-sex clamminess, they brainstorm a few short film ideas.

Now imagine if Michael Cera had been hiding in a cupboard the entire time, listening in. 

Now imagine if he made one of those ideas into a film. 

That film would be Brazzaville Teen-Ager. 

Go watch it. 

The Underwater Welder by Jeff Lemire.

Jeff Lemire became my favourite comic book dude after reading his 50 issue series Sweet Tooth.

He's ...unique. His peculiar art style only adds emphasis to his peculiar stories. The Underwater Welder is a story of parenthood, hometowns, and as the name suggests ... underwater welding.

Go lick it. 

All My Friends Are Superheroes by Andrew Kaufman.

I think I heard the author once say in an interview, that he loves it when metaphors become part of the story, which this book is all about. The 'powers' are all extensions of the character's everyday talents or character traits.

I read a review on Amazon for this book. The reviewer hated it, because it didn't follow any of the rules of a 'good' fiction. I think I love it because of that. Breaking down the formula and remaking it is sort of the point, isn't it?

Go sniff it.

Daytripper by Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba

At the end of each chapter the main dude dies. Weird huh?

After finishing this, I found myself staring out of the window, considering my own mortality.

I have my theories for this story and what it's all about, but I'd love to hear your own.

Go rub it. 

So there's five stories well worth checking out. I tried to avoid the more obvious ones. So I may have missed your favourite. If you've got any that you'd think I'd like, let me know.

Luke. 

Rules Of The Gym - Spotting

INT. GYM.

I find myself in the gym, standing behind a man lifting two dumbbells. He doesn't know I'm there. He's struggling. 

What do I do?

I decide that I can't just leave him like this, so I decide to 'spot' him. 

Spotting is the art of helping someone lift a weight.

It's helping them to lift a little more than their limit. 

It's helping them to really feel the burn.

Feeling the burn is how you win at the gym. More burn means more win.

 'I'm totally winning right now.'

However, at the time I wasn't aware that you have to be asked to spot someone. You can't just sneak up behind them, and start lifting the weight with them.

Imagine if in the film Ghost, uninvited, Patrick Swayze had snuck up behind Demi Moore to fondle her messy clay pot.

 'Let me help you with that.'

Naturally the guy jumps a bit, puts the weights down, and awkwardly asks 'can I help you?'

'I was spotting you,' I tell him.

'Oh.'

Things are now just plain weird. I realise I'm in the wrong.

The rest of the gym goers are looking at us.

'I'm okay,' he says finally.

And I go back to my routine, red-faced.

The next time I see him, we're both in the changing rooms. 

I think about trying to explain myself, but there's something about the way he's avoiding eye contact, and rushing to change his clothes which makes me decide against it. 

Lesson learned.

Why I'm watching your film - A list.

Bear in mind when reading this list, I'm a fan of short films, not everybody is.

Read between the lines for reasons I'm not.

1. You're my friend. 

2. You're a friend of a friend, and the film looks good.

3. You've asked me personally and sincerely for feedback.

4. Vimeo Staff Pick. 

5. The artwork is consistent and professional.

6. I'm bored.

7. You're Michael Cera. 

8. I read your blog. 

9. I follow you on Twitter, and the film looks good. 

10. I donated money to the crowd funding campaign. 

11. It's playing at a local short film showcase. 

12. I read your book.

13. I met you in person, and you were nice.

14. I like the actor/director/producer/writer involved.

15. It's a documentary about that thing I'm currently interested in. 

16. Typography ... it's gotta be good.