How To Be A Writer

Wake up early. Before the sun rises. Before anybody else. Make coffee. Not just any coffee. The coffee that’s made free of moulds and toxins and add that special grass-fed butter. Smell the coffee before you taste it. Breathe it in through your nostrils. Exhale. Now go to the bathroom and splash your face with cold water. Wipe the sleep from your eyes. Look at yourself in the mirror and repeat the words ‘I am a writer’ over and over until the words reverberate around your mind and become nothing but white noise.

Have a shower. A cold one. Now a hot one. Now urinate. Excrete in any way you need. Wash your hands. Brush your teeth with fluoride free toothpaste because fluoride creates a crust around your pineal gland which you need for creative thinking. 

Put on your lucky brown dressing gown with its crusty memories. Put on that one sock with the hole in that makes you smile. Look at that picture on your phone of the person you love. Kiss it. Drink some coffee. Turn your phone off. Put it on charge. You’ll need it later.

Now sit in front of your writing device - MacBook, iPad, Moleskine. Before you write a word, press your hands together and pray to your muse and ask for her to take you to the Aleph — the place where all moments come together and time stands still and inspiration and insight is plentiful. Now light an incense stick and a scented candle, and say thank you in the name of your muse. Make up a name for your muse. Make it ... amusing ;).

The sun will start to rise. Let the light hit your face and warm you. Say thanks to the sun and be grateful for all we have in the world.

Back to your writing device.

Write the date. 

Write your name.

Write something. 

Just fucking write something. 

Stop fucking around and write something.